Part I – Curing Greed, Creating Generosity
Part II – Curing Arrogance, Creating Humility
Part II – Curing Arrogance, Creating Humility
PART I
Curing Greed,
Creating Generosity
Like a cultural
anthropologist,
I try to understand
the ways of human
functioning on Earth.
And, as global change agent, I also enjoy dreaming up solutions, ways to transform and facilitate the evolution of human nature and society, to foster higher human functioning, and evolved states of consciousness-being-doing, for the purpose of creating sustainable families, sustainable communities and a sustainable planet.
Today, I am searching, seeking and exploring the cure for human greed. Many would say that is seeking the impossible. They think to be greedy is part of human nature, for all time.
You may also wonder, why does a man who devotes his life to understanding and spreading skills for love focus on a negative concept like greed? I was recently called a “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” for citing what’s wrong in the world -- like trying to cure greed -- instead of focusing only on what we want to create in the world, such as the opposite of greed -- generosity.
I will explore generosity at the end of this piece, but first I want to clearly understand how greed grows inside a person, so we can help create families that foster generosity and love.
As a human relations researcher and educator, in reflecting on what happens to people in life, I can clearly see how the process of becoming greedy, or generous, develops and plays itself out as people age.
So far, I see a 12-step process that leads to the formation of greed. A 13th step is the expression of arrogance, but some people are greedy and don’t act arrogantly. They can be unassuming hoarders.
The process leading to greed:
1. Hurt
2. Distancing
3. Disconnected
4. Non-relational
5. Non-empathetic
6. Distrusting
7. Self-centered
8. Socially-awkward
9. Insensitive
10. Isolated
11. Selfish
12. Greedy
13. Arrogant
This process begins and develops when we are young. Each of us experiences some kind of hurt.
The vast majority of people become hurt by someone or something, and we form an unconscious response to life, a "story" about what happened, what we made that experience "mean," and a repetitive behavioral "act," to deal with this difficult, hurtful, painful reality, should it happen again.
We have all heard that people burned, distance themselves from the stove.
Not knowing who will hurt them next, they may become more socially wary, distant, disconnected, fearful and essentially non-relational, non-empathetic -- even in the midst of soccer, ballet classes, countywide orchestra, the corporate boardroom or Congress.
Thus, they develop a powerful, ever-present, low-grade distrust, not knowing who is out to get them, they have to watch their back, not knowing who is really good until people prove it to them over time. They are further taught to view people as phonies, con-artists and charlatans by hurt parents and bitter TV talk-show hosts.
Once this distrusting perception is in place, people naturally become self-centered, leading to lack of social connectedness, slight or great socially-awkwardness, insensitivity, and a slowly
increasing sense of isolation, even in the crowd of social events one must attend as a successful adult.
The vast majority of people become hurt by someone or something, and we form an unconscious response to life, a "story" about what happened, what we made that experience "mean," and a repetitive behavioral "act," to deal with this difficult, hurtful, painful reality, should it happen again.
We have all heard that people burned, distance themselves from the stove.
Not knowing who will hurt them next, they may become more socially wary, distant, disconnected, fearful and essentially non-relational, non-empathetic -- even in the midst of soccer, ballet classes, countywide orchestra, the corporate boardroom or Congress.
Thus, they develop a powerful, ever-present, low-grade distrust, not knowing who is out to get them, they have to watch their back, not knowing who is really good until people prove it to them over time. They are further taught to view people as phonies, con-artists and charlatans by hurt parents and bitter TV talk-show hosts.
Once this distrusting perception is in place, people naturally become self-centered, leading to lack of social connectedness, slight or great socially-awkwardness, insensitivity, and a slowly
increasing sense of isolation, even in the crowd of social events one must attend as a successful adult. Out of this I-It, subject-object, us-them world-view, one becomes self-ish, for the self alone, oblivious to the interiority, feelings,values and needs of others. At best, one provides for one’s family, and associates within a small circle of friends, or a religious community of their choice, not really caring about the greater good of the larger community, their nation, humanity or nature.
Thus, the stage is set for the formation of greed
as a way of life, for amassing as much as one can, giving little to others. The philosophy of greed is good is now in place in the psyche, in the heart and mind. One may act out avariciousness by flaunting wealth or quietly hording. Society suffers further. 
I-Thou Generosity Haveing understood this process, we can help create families that foster generosity and love when we understand how to comfort children when they experience hurt.
Unaware, hurt comes along, and the child is stunned, bewildered, confused. What goes on in the inner world of the child can then only be understood by a parent who cares and is in ongoing conversation with all their children. That I why I urge parents to only have as many children as they can take good care of, because they need to have daily conversation with all their children, so they can help each child process the hurt and pain they experience; the physical pain, emotional suffering, or cognitive-mental confusion.
By staying in conversation with our children, they can go down a different development path.
I urge you to take some time to read 7 Keys to Love and see how all this is connected, and practice the communications skills in the book. I am also available to speak to your school or professional association on the urgent need to talk with teens and children. I can also provide a communication workshop for your library, school, or religious organization.
Sanford (Sandy) Hinden has a BA in psychology and is a human relations researcher, educator, workshop facilitator and trained community organizer. He is executive director of the Dix Hills Performing Arts Center at Five Towns College and author of 7 Keys to Love – Opening Love’s Door to Joy &Well-Being. Sandy has helped the world for 35 years through marketing, public relations and fundraising in the arts, education, health and human services, peace building, the environment and community development. He brings a perspective of how communications and collaboration help organizations grow, families heal, and communities come together to address concerns and needs of all involved. Sandy Hinden is founder and president of the Long Island Men’s Center, helping men and women create sustainable families and sustainable communities. He was a fundraiser for a Boys & Girls Club and is on the advisory council two youth service organizations: the Lakota Youth Arts Center, being established in South Dakota, and Families Advocating for Compassionate Treatment, Santa Barbara, California. His web/blog is www.7keystolove.blogspot.com. He can be reached at 516-815-4967, on skype at Sanford.Hinden and sandyhinden@7keystolove.net.
Workshops
* 7 Keys to Love – Be the Author of Your Love Story
* The Wisdom Practice - for Women and Men Who Value Growing Conscious Relationships
* Communication & Collaboration Skills - for Individuals, Couples, Parents, Teens and Corporate Teams
Public Speaking
* The Urgent Need to Talk with Teens & Children - A Speech for Parents & Professional Associations
Workshops
* 7 Keys to Love – Be the Author of Your Love Story
* The Wisdom Practice - for Women and Men Who Value Growing Conscious Relationships
* Communication & Collaboration Skills - for Individuals, Couples, Parents, Teens and Corporate Teams
Public Speaking
* The Urgent Need to Talk with Teens & Children - A Speech for Parents & Professional Associations
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